My dear sister Beth was born on January 4, 1955.
Or was it January 5?
That was the question when we were growing up. Had mom forgotten the date? Did anyone think to look at the birth certificate?
I’m not sure.
The whole birthday mix-up was naturally a big deal for Beth. But if I’m completely honest it wasn’t a huge deal with the rest of the family.
Because we rarely celebrated birthdays when we were kids.
Beth and I have two older sisters. I’m the third girl and Beth is the youngest. Our parents divorced when we were all fairly young. Mom raised us and we saw our father on the weekends.
It was a fairly normal midwestern childhood. That is if a divorced situation can ever really be normal. Our hard-working mom created a wonderful home environment, while keeping us close, well cared for, and safe. How she consistently did all of this while working full time, I don’t know. Let’s just call it “mom magic.”
Anyway, back to the birthdays we never celebrated.
It’s funny really. It wasn’t intentional. Nor did it come from indifference or lack of love. I suspect it might just be generational. There were no huge birthday celebrations around mom and her twin brother or my aunts’ birthdays either.
What this lack of celebration resulted in was no experience with special parties, where you were the center of attention. No bright balloons, or birthday cakes.
For my sisters and me, it was through our boyfriends/husbands/girlfriends/coworkers that we started to enjoy our birthdays as adults.
Just last month, on January 4th – yes that is her official birthday, Beth celebrated her birthday. She said she had a great day. I sent cards and gifts. Her girlfriends did the same.
And of course, there was cake. Lots and lots of cake.
As I mentioned, there was never a feeling of neglect from our parents about this whole birthday thing. Where there’s little residual feelings, there's not much need for healing.
However, what was needed and what we all do now is to celebrate our lives through the celebration of our birth. We do birthdays!
And the older we get; our birthdays truly feel like milestones. They mark the distance we’ve come and allow us to ponder what direction we’re going.
So, do you think we were an oddball family? Be kind! Did you have birthday celebrations as a kid? How do you mark milestones as an adult?
I think we're all effectively 5 years old on our birthday. Celebrations don't have to be elaborate, but recognition is...we are glad you were born and want you to know it.