Finding Joy in the Everyday

When my twin boys were younger, I’d give them this piece of advice.

They’d come home from school, where they’d run into trouble. The conversation with me would sound something like this,

“Mom, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Of course, when a mom sees two upset children, she says, “what do you mean, you don’t know what to do? What’s wrong?”

When they heard the two magic words, “what’s wrong” they’d let go with a laundry list of every conceivable problem they had encountered over the past week.

“My report is due, and I’ve lost my book.”

“I have a basketball proficiency test in gym and try as I might, I still can’t get the ball through the hoop.”

“I don’t want to be in the school play.” (opening night for the play was in two days)

“I told a girl I’d take her to the school dance and now I like another girl and want to ask her.”

And on they would go until I was completely overwhelmed and exhausted just hearing their list of issues.

I’d give myself a second just to breathe and then launch into a tiny, yet critical life lesson.

From the all-knowing place of the parent, I’d say,

“My advice to you guys is not to “problem stack.” Problem stacking results in only one thing,” I’d continue, “and it's not bringing about a solution to your problems. No, most of the time, it has the opposite effect, it brings on “problem overwhelm.” I’d suggest you breathe, and then look at each problem separately." I’d finish with: “Because each of your problems will be solved with different solutions.”

After that, we’d sit together, untangle their troubles, and start the process of problem-solving.

Last week was one hell of a week.

I’m embarrassed to admit to it, but last week I stacked my problems. My stack looked something like this:

my crazy family

concern for a friend who needed surgery

A disagreement with my partner

An ex-husband with bursitis when we had a critical kid-related deadline

A drippy eye without a diagnosis

Natural hair that refused to be tamed.

Luckily, late in this problem-studded week, I had a coffee with a good girlfriend.

As my friend and I parted, I realized how much better I felt. Better, because I'd changed my physical and mental state. And it was at that moment, with my new-found perspective, that I looked back over my week and realized I had stacked my problems. So much so, that I’d lost the ability to bring solutions to any of them.

In a word, through stacking problems we not only lose the ability to bring action steps to those problems, we also rob ourselves of living a joyful life.

Getting back to the business of JOY!

It may be difficult to solve all of the issues we perceive as problems. But we make it worse by clumping all of our issues into one messy pile,

Because that pile of problems makes a solution almost impossible, it can lead to irritability, anxiety, overwhelm, unhappiness, and depression.

What makes (and keeps) us joyful - some suggestions

If you love to volunteer your time at the local Food Bank, continue to do that, even if you’re in your “week from hell.” Just the act of helping others may give you a different outlook, a different perspective on the problem. At the very least, it will provide a respite from your difficulty.

Swim twice a week? In spite of your problems, go swimming.

Even if you have to drag yourself to the pool, to the part-time job, to the coffee with girlfriends, to whatever you love – go, do, be.

Protect your joyful moments and they will act as a powerful, protective shield as your face your perceived problems, oftentimes offering up creative solutions.

And I’d be remiss if I didn’t state the obvious as a reminder. The practice of gratitude and thankfulness, mindfulness and being fully present in the moment, finding beauty in the every day, meditation, spending time with loved ones, having a conversation with a child, dogs and cats, sex, dancing, laughter, and nature. It all helps.

And hopefully, this blog post also helps. Go out and live your life. And Beth and I will attempt to do the same.

And if you think journaling would help, I’ve just recently spotted a couple of real beauties on Etsy.

Shine on!