Funny Thanksgiving Stories

If you’ve lived as long as we have, you’re bound to have some funny Thanksgiving stories.

Like the Thanksgiving when the raw giblet sack was roasted in the butt of the bird (our mother.)

Like the time the entire Thanksgiving dinner was ruined by using an unbelievable amount of sage in everything from the turkey to the dressing and gravy. Only the sweet potatoes and cranberries were saved from this pungent herb. (our mother again)

I could probably go on and on, but we’ve got stories to share from friends and neighbors that show we all love this holiday, and we love spending it with our families.

But sometimes both the craziness of the holiday, mixed with the craziness of our families make for the funniest, most memorable, most awkward Thanksgiving moments.

So here we go. My good friend Marta tells the funniest story. We’re calling it:

When the Drugstore SAVED Thanksgiving

For twenty years, until early 2000, my good friend Marta owned a very popular wholesale dessert company that produced a line of flan here in Austin. From Chocolate Kahlua to Coconut, she, along with her staff sold pallets of the product across Austin and throughout Texas.

Marta was indeed the Queen of Flan. And never was the Queen and her court busier than during the months of October with the biggest push in November with Pumpkin Flan needing to be in the stores to satisfy shoppers for Thanksgiving.

An extremely tired Marta left her shop late on Thanksgiving Eve after working long hours, day after day, week after week. Because all through the season she had worked so many hours, at home, she had no provisions to prepare the traditional Thanksgiving meal for her family.

Her plan was before going home from the shop, she’d stop by the local grocery store, pick up what she needed, and the next day get up early to prepare the family Thanksgiving meal.

It was a good plan. But she’d forgotten one critical piece. She’d forgotten on Thanksgiving Eve, the grocery closed several hours earlier than its normal hours. In other words, the grocery was no longer an option for her. Actually, all grocery stores in Austin were closed.

What was she going to do? Feed her family peanut butter on Thanksgiving?

There’s something about being a small business owner. You’re always thinking about your Plan B.

Marta’s Plan B was the drugstore. Surely in the small grocery aisle she could find something and salvage Thanksgiving.

Up and down the aisles she went until she spotted a canned ham! Fabulous. Next, she bought tins of pineapple rings, and maraschino cherries in small jars. With honey and cloves at home, she’d bake the ham until it was glistening.

Next, she picked up both powdered potatoes (yes, folks, powdered potatoes!) She thought maybe with tons of butter and cream her family wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. But just in case that plan didn’t work, she snagged the last cans of sweet potatoes. With a few cans of overprocessed vegetables, she had a meal.

Well, it all came together, she got the meal on the table.

And Marta tells me her family loved the meal – powdered potatoes and all!

My good friend Annie LaGanga tells this next story that’s both funny and sweetly nostalgic. We’re calling this one:

Ohhh, I LOVE It!

Annie is Italian by birth.

Annie describes her father as a man who loved two things. He loved food and he loved stories.

Her dad could get so excited about eating that he’d actually have something that looked like a “food bliss tantrum.”

If he were so lucky to be around the food he loved, his food bliss sounded almost lusty as he said, ohhh, I LOVE it! That phrase was always accompanied by an equally dramatic, full body gesture to show his appreciation of good food.

One of the foods her father had a particular fondness for was Giardiniera, an Italian relish of pickled vegetables in vinegar or oil. He was not a food snob. This relish of cauliflower, carrots, and peppers need not be gourmet. Quite the contrary, he could love the varieties like Mezzetta, found in any American grocery store, next to the ketchup and mustard.

Annie grew up in Southern California but moved to Austin years ago to be with her boyfriend. Annie tells us he’s a real Texan with a real Texas family. She was just getting to know this family but still feeling a bit awkward and out of place with them.

But it was Thanksgiving and to Annie’s great surprise she was invited to the family feast and was asked to bring a dish.

She decided on antipasto. Something really delicious. Stuffed artichokes. Cheese torte. Roasted red peppers and pesto. She felt wonderful making this fabulous food, but at the same time she missed the feeling of home she shared with her father, who had passed several years earlier.

Actually, she was feeling a little “orphany” with her mother long passed when Annie was a child.

It was getting later and later the night before Thanksgiving, and her thoughts went back to her appetizers. Looking at her spread, she realized, the platter was incomplete. She needed olives, and hearts of palm – those kinds of relishes.

Even though it was late, she was off to HEB (the local grocery store.) But even while shopping in the relish aisle she could not shake off her weird, creepy feeling.

Suddenly she felt like she heard someone. She looked around but no one was there. Weird.

She was looking at olives, when she heard a voice again. Possibly the voice was in her head, but felt like it was on her ears. She heard, ohhh, I LOVE that!

She looked at the shelf and saw she was right in front of the Mezzetta – the food her father loved! She smiled.

Everyone at the Thanksgiving party loved her antipasto. But of course, no one touched the Mezzetta.

Except Annie. She cautiously put a small piece of pickled cauliflower in her mouth. Much to her surprise she liked it. She proceeded to eat several pieces of the veggies.

Inside her head, she heard herself say, ohhh, I LOVE that!

And from that Thanksgiving to this, a Mezzetta jar sits on her Thanksgiving table.

Happy, happy Thanksgiving!